As a high achiever, you probably have a complicated relationship with yourself. One minute you’re on top of the world, feeling like everything is working for you. And the next, you’re doubting yourself, wondering when everyone is going to see all your flaws. 

You’re always striving for perfection, even though we all know it doesn’t exist. You’re your own worst critic, and that voice has only gotten louder. You’ve worked really, really hard to get where you are. But you’re exhausted. 

You know that the pressure you’ve put on yourself in the past just isn’t sustainable, or supportive to your mental health and wellness. But how did you get here in the first place, and what can you do if you find yourself in this boat?

Your Mindset

Past and present programming

What did you grow up believing, hearing, and seeing modeled for you? Especially as a child, and especially in areas like success, motivation, and what was considered worthy. What did your parents and teachers say? What about your friends? What was your identity in school? 

Believe it or not, but the way you think now has everything to do with the way you were “programmed” as a child. When you’re very young, your mind does not reject information, but instead absorbs it like a sponge. A lot of the things that you learned and absorbed as a child can still be driving your behavior and decisions today.

It’s “normal” in our society

We hear things all the time that promote this in both subtle and obvious ways, and we might even unconsciously repeat it ourselves. You’ve heard classic sayings like “no pain, no gain.” You’ve seen how being “busy” is put on a pedestal. And you’ve likely experienced the association of your worth being directly related to your achievements, grades, or work.

Comparison

More than ever, we tend to compare ourselves to each other ALL. THE. TIME. It’s not enough to just compare ourselves with people we actually know. We also do this with complete strangers on the internet using social media.

Imposter Syndrome and Perfectionism

So many really successful people, and especially women share this experience. You feel like an “imposter” because of your success, and you give yourself all kinds of reasons why it’s not really yours. There are actually 5 types of imposter syndrome and each one results in you devaluing your achievements. It may be because you didn’t learn something quickly enough, or that you feel it only “counts” if you’ve done the work entirely on your own. In any case, you continue to doubt yourself, even after all the amazing things you’ve done.

With perfectionism, it’s very similar. And some consider perfectionism a type of imposter syndrome. The issue? You’re setting unrealistically high standards for yourself, and you’re setting yourself up to never be satisfied.

Moving On Too Quickly

A big reason why you have these self critical feelings? You’re always looking to the next thing and not celebrating small wins along the way! You’re not able to slow down and be present, and really take in and appreciate all that you’ve done already. 

What You Can Do About It

First and foremost – start focusing on what you DO want, and stop focusing on what you don’t. They say this and they’re right – “where focus goes, energy flows.” And you really do attract more of what you focus on, good or bad.

Create a New Relationship with Your Inner Critic

It may feel impossible, but we promise you that it’s not! We have helped many clients through this process, and we can tell you that it’s possible for you too! If you’d like to read an in-depth case study, check out this one from one of our clients.

You can speak to this voice and get to know yourself on a deeper level. These thoughts don’t have to be gone, but YOU can choose whether you allow them to stick around, or influence your decision making.

Reprogram Your Subconscious

This sounds much more complicated than it is, we promise!

1. First start by assessing where your current beliefs come from – things like success, motivation, and worth. Think back to childhood, and do a brain dump. 

2. Next, think about what you saw modeled for you growing up. Dump it out, once again.

3. Now that we’ve raised the awareness, let’s shift. Ask yourself – are these thoughts and beliefs yours? Are they someone else’s? Are they supportive to you now, or in the future? There’s a good chance you’ve been hanging onto beliefs that aren’t even yours. 
4. Finally, decide what thoughts and beliefs you *actually* want to carry with you going forward. And, then, let go of the old, unsupportive ones. YOU get to decide and the power is yours to reshape your mindset and life.

Consider Your Current Thoughts as Habits

If you’ve never thought about thoughts as habits, buckle up because this is about to change your life. You probably believe you can change your body through changing habits like what you eat and how you move, right? Well, you can also change your thoughts by what you take in, and how you act on them (or not). You can interrupt these patterns and literally rewire your brain.

Do a Mental and Digital Detox

We’re talking social media, email, news, podcasts, music, magazines, books, tv etc. Take stock of everything that is coming in, assess if it’s supportive and how it makes you feel. Unfollow, mute, or unsubscribe from anything or anyone that isn’t helping. 

We also suggest taking some time to slow down, add some white space to your calendar, allow yourself time to just BE.

Celebrate Your Wins

Remember how we said that moving on too quickly is actually sabotaging your mindset and fueling your inner critic? The antidote to that is to celebrate your wins! Do this daily, if possible. You can write this down or even just spend a few minutes thinking about everything you’ve accomplished for the day. 

The key? Reflect on and acknowledge even the smallest wins! Look for them like little treasures in your day. 

Another thing you can do? Create a “hype file” – a document or folder where you keep track of all of your accomplishments! These can be personal, professional, or both. Any time your confidence is low, you can look back and see how far you’ve come.

Be Present

Once again, we’re asking you to slow down and just be. Do things without multitasking. Really pay attention to where you are and who you’re with. Put your phone down. Silence your notifications. Use the “do not disturb” function. Set aside specific times in the day for replying to messages and emails if you can. 

Get mindful! Take a mindful walk and just be in nature, no phone, no music, no podcasts. Eat a mindful meal, no phone or tv, just focusing on the food, the flavors and textures.

Practice Gratitude

We know you’ve heard this before, and it’s for a good reason! Instead of focusing on what’s next, what you don’t have, or what you haven’t done, focus on the opposite. You can choose to make a list, write it down, or just visualize it before going to bed or when waking up in the morning.

Work With a Coach Who Gets You

Hello, that’s us!! If you can’t tell, this is kind of our jam, and our specialty. Curious about our results? Check them out here! Wanna read an in-depth case study? Read it here!

Want to see what coaching is like with us? We’d be happy to offer you a complimentary session and see how we can help.