Oh confidence. Everyone’s favorite question! In this article, we will cover confidence from a holistic perspective. That’s right, we’re not just going to give you a checklist and say sayonara. We’re going to go deeper! First, we’ll clear up some things about confidence, then get into your limiting beliefs and mindset, and we’ll finish by writing a new story and giving you some actionable tips to become your most confident self.
Confidence is…
The order goes like this – do it, believe it, see it. Not what you were expecting? We know!
A choice
First, you need to decide that you’re going to be confident. You don’t need to be confident all the time, every minute of your life. But you do need to start by choosing and believing that you have the choice.
A skill
Think of confidence like any other skill that you can learn. The more you practice, the better you’ll be. Think of it as a commitment to yourself. Sometimes the area in which you want to develop confidence is literally going to be related to building a skill you don’t have yet. Alongside this, build the skill of confidence.
A muscle
You might like to think of confidence like a mental muscle. You can build it through reps, or repeated small actions. Just like you exercise to build your physical muscles, you can do mental exercise to build mental muscles. This could look like using affirmations or creating a manifesto and reading it to yourself regularly.
A state of mind
Confidence is also a state of mind. Think of it as something that you can choose to shift into, rather than something that happens to you eventually. You might do this using power poses, like wonder woman, before doing something that scares you. Or practicing breathing exercises, like box breathing, to calm your nervous system.
Get Clear on Your Mindset
Start by increasing your self awareness
Ask yourself what you believe about confidence and if those beliefs are supportive to your goals. What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself that might be blocking you? Where can you dig deep and get really clear on what those are.
For example, finish this sentence…
- “I’m not good at …because …”
- “I could never do …because …”
- “I’m scared to think about doing … because …”
Let go of negative self talk and a negative narrative
Whether you believe you can or you can’t, YOU’RE RIGHT.
Changing your thinking patterns and beliefs can feel overwhelming, especially because this area can feel very abstract. The first thing to keep in mind is that changing your thoughts and beliefs is like changing any other habit. And why is that? Because thoughts themselves are habits! So if you believe that you can change your body by what you eat and how you move, let it sink in that changing your thoughts gets to be the same. Neuroscience also tells us that even as adults, you can still rewire your brain!
Your thoughts don’t define who you are as a person. Some of them may feel supportive to who you are and want to be, while you can recognize that others definitely do not. What you might also notice is that some of your thoughts you’re carrying from others, and maybe you’ve been carrying them for a long time. Which ones will help you keep going? What would it feel like to choose the thoughts you want to keep around? And let go of the ones you don’t want anymore?
Know your why
Think of confidence like any other goal. When you are clear on what you really want and why, it’s much easier to get it! Why do you want to be more confident? What will it bring you? How will you feel different? What does it mean to you? What will it mean about you? What will be different about your life, work, relationships, etc once you feel confidence?
Write a New Story and Visualize it
You are not the story of what’s happening around you or what other people think you are. The good news is that you get to write your own story. Regardless of what has happened in the past, you can create something different with your future. This includes being confident!
Get clear on what being confident is going to look and feel like for you. How will you know you’ve gotten there? Write a story about your most confident self. Make it as vivid as you can and really get into detail. What’s different about this future you? What do you see yourself doing that you’re afraid to do now?
Spend a few minutes visualizing yourself in this outcome. How can you show up as this most confident version of yourself now?
Build Confidence Through Action
Start super tiny
If it’s a bigger goal or action, break it way down into its components. Once you’ve done that, can you make the steps any smaller?
Do the reps
Do the repetitions and practice a zillion times until each one feels less hard. Believe us, eventually it will.
Build your self trust
Keep the promises you make to yourself, big or small. Show yourself that you can trust yourself and this will help to build your confidence.
Try this small challenge. What can you commit to for 30 days? What you choose to do is less important than showing up for yourself and actually doing it. For example, Sara did this challenge recently and committed to going for a 15 minute walk every day for 30 days. It can be something very small. The point is just to build that trust in yourself.
Learn to validate yourself
Confidence comes from inside – how you think, feel about yourself, and how you take care of yourself, not from validation from others.
Practice this by:
- Detaching from what’s outside your control – results, compensation, feedback, being needed, putting out fires, saving the day
- Reconnecting to what’s inside of you and inside of your control – your willingness to try and show up, trusting the process, trusting yourself, your effort, your creativity, your ability to innovate
Nurture self compassion
Sometimes things won’t go as planned. Be aware of how it feels when you don’t do what you said you would, and the difference between how it feels when you do. At the same time, be compassionate with yourself in the process. Self compassion has been scientifically proven to make you *more* productive and help you reach your goals.
Stop comparing
Take a social media break. Don’t get caught up or compare. Focus on yourself and your own progress. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, including a past version of yourself, unless it’s to see how far you’ve come. This is all easier said than done, but it’s worth clearing your head and resetting in order to remind yourself of your own power.
Don’t aim for perfect, just start
Better done than perfect. Have you ever heard that saying before? When you’re working on confidence, let go of perfectionism and self criticism. While it’s great to hone your skills and work towards mastery, if not being perfect at something is going to hold you back from taking action, then it’s not worth it. Trust that you’ll figure things out and learn what you need to along the way.
Slow down
Slow down so you can get mindful and notice what’s happening when you do. If you move on too quickly, you can miss the meaningful progress you’ve made. Slowing down also helps you to be in the present moment. For example, as a speaker, pausing literally makes you appear more confident to your audience.
Celebrate your wins
Celebrate yourself for taking action and following the process, not the outcome.
Acknowledge what went well, every single day, and every single time you are working on your new thing. Make a list of things you’re proud of about yourself, obstacles you’ve overcome, or goals you’ve already achieved.
Create a “hype file” – a collection of notes, reminders, client testimonials, projects, or assignments on which you’ve done well. Any time you’re feeling less than, go back and review your hype file.
Focus on the good
Focus on the good and watch it multiply as you grow in confidence! If a negative thought comes up, notice it. First remember that you have a choice to let it stick around or not. You can acknowledge it, and then decide that it doesn’t need to be there. Then you can replace it with a positive thought instead. As you create this new habit of awareness, acknowledging, and replacing, you’ll notice over time they will pop up less and less. Why? You’re literally rewiring and training your brain every time you do this!
Work with a coach (or two) who has done this before
We know, we know this is A LOT. And it’s probably deeper than you thought. Authentic confidence is less about tips and tricks and more about deep transformation. We won’t sugarcoat it, your confidence journey will take time.
This may be the “inner work,” but it certainly does not mean you need to do it alone. And we can hold compassionate space for you like no one else can.
Want to see if we’re a fit? Book with one of us here. We get it, you might be a tad nervous but there’s no need to be. We’re fun, we’ll make you feel super comfortable, and we’re both excellent at what we do!
Sara and Stacy are holistic nurses and transformative mindset coaches working with clients around the world! They believe that the inner work creates your outer results and that you can truly be Well and Whole every day.
Comments +