It’s funny when you start to think back on certain things in your life and start making connections. In a recent session with my coach, I came to the realization that I had lost myself. I won’t leave you with a cliffhanger, I found myself again! But it’s an interesting story and one that I think most professionals will relate to. Allow me to set the scene.

The Nursing Dilemma

I was an operating room (OR) nurse for close to 14 years. Something about not just OR nursing, but nursing in general, is that there isn’t much room for creativity or creative expression in our profession. At least at the bedside anyways. Now, I’ve always been a creative person. I remember from a young age always drawing or designing and I’ve tried so many different creative hobbies and outlets. I’ve tried drawing, scrapbooking, photography, weaving, basketweaving, knitting, crocheting, sewing, and jewelry making. I mean the list seriously goes on and on. But like many people, getting older and moving into college, adulthood, and getting your first “real” job, you kind of get sucked in.

I think that especially with nursing, it’s a profession becomes your identity. But this phenomenon isn’t exclusive to nursing. I’m sure that for most people in your life, when you think about them you associate them with their job title. That’s totally common, especially in America. And even though I never wanted to be a nurse, it’s the career I ended up in and thus had a big part of my identity tied to it, whether I liked it or not.

The Career I Really Wanted

In truth, I really wanted to be a fashion designer. After seeing the Lord of The Rings, I wanted to be a movie costume designer or a master swordsmith, or basically anything creative that happened behind the scenes in making fantasy movies. Something I didn’t really realize at the time of choosing a career in healthcare was that I would lose a very big part of myself over the next 14ish years.

I had kind of an aha moment when I was at work one day and realized that the only joy I was getting or the only time I really looked forward to work was when I knew that I would be assigned to an OR that had a case that day that would require the use of bacitracin ointment. Feeling lost by that statement? Don’t worry, I’ll explain.

The Unexpected Art of Bacitracin

Bacitracin ointment is an antibiotic ointment that is typically applied to the skin after certain surgical procedures. It comes in a tube and needs to be given aseptically to the surgical team. As a circulating nurse, that was one of my jobs. Now typically when people administer bacitracin onto the sterile field they just squeeze out a dollop and call it a day. But one day I got the idea that instead of just squeezing a little turd out onto a sterile towel that I would treat it almost like icing a cake and write a little love note or draw a little smiley face for the surgical team to enjoy at the end of the case.

It actually became something I was known for. Surgeons loved it, the team loved it, and they looked forward to what I would write or draw. Sometimes I would make it a surprise, sometimes I would ask for input. But I honestly didn’t care what I wrote or drew, just the fact that I could do something fun and creative that brought people joy was more fulfilling to me than the surgery itself. I actually have an entire album on my phone of my creations!

For as fun and enjoyable as that was though, it was so limited and not a guarantee that I would be able to do it every shift I worked. Sometimes I’d go weeks without being in a surgery where I’d get the chance to let that tiny speck of my creativity shine. And it was suffocating. But because of also dealing with a global pandemic and burnout, I didn’t really realize what the answer to this riddle was until a few years later. I just didn’t have the capacity for it at the time.

Coincidence? I think not…

Fast forward to August of 2023. I had started my own bookstagram( a corner of instagram where people share their love of all things books) and my algorithm was doing double time showing me endless videos of people bookbinding and making special editions of their favorite books. I was so intrigued and knew I wanted to give it a try. For my own personal interest, but I also wanted to make a really meaningful gift for a friend. And it just so happened that I had seen a video (multiple times I might add) of a bookbinding class that you could book in Kyoto, Japan. And where was I headed at the end of August? You guessed it! Kyoto, Japan!

I booked the class and was bubbling with excitement the day of. I fully documented the experience, taking endless photos and videos so that I could take all of the knowledge home with me and try it for myself. At the end of the class I had a new found confidence, my first handmade book ( a journal made from Kimono fabric), and the feeling that I was about to jump into a hobby that would bring me endless joy.

My One Year Anniversary

And now that I’ve had my one year bind-aversary (bookbinding anniversary!) I can truly say that bookbinding helped me find my way back to myself and reconnect me with a part of myself I didn’t realize I had lost for so long. My creativity. And gosh it feels so good and so right!

A Different Type Of Medicine

You see, that’s the thing about hobbies. They aren’t just a way to help you escape the dredge of everyday life. Finding a hobby that I love has helped me find my way back to myself. It’s reconnected me with myself in a way I didn’t realize I needed. I didn’t realize for so long how disconnected from myself I had become. I was so focused on the external. Doing a good job at work. Building a business from the ground up. Being the “professional” I needed to be at the hospital, and then being so tired and worn out from having to act and perform a certain way that I had lost this beautiful gift. 

And you know what? It’s kind of scary to realize that you’ve let a part of yourself get buried down so deep that you don’t even recognize that it’s gone. And a lot of that is definitely thanks to burnout and just wanting to numb and physically escape where I was. But it’s also thanks to a profession that teaches you that if you make a mistake you could kill someone, and you have to be professional no matter what, and there’s no room for error so everything you do has to be perfect. I mean gosh the more I sit here and write the more I realize the wound that nursing left in me that I didn’t realize I was so desperate to heal. But that little voice in me begging for creativity didn’t know how to ask for help.

Thanks to some of those wounds, allowing myself to do my hobby on a regular basis took a lot of mindset work. I had to give myself permission to let go of some of my “adult responsibilities” to make time for my hobby. Because the days or weeks where I didn’t do it, there was a noticeable difference in my mindset, mood, and overall wellbeing. I also had to let go of the need to be perfect. Because that’s not what hobbies are about. They’re about fun and play and reconnecting with those parts of yourself from when you were younger that brought you pure joy! They’re about finding that internal validation, feeling a sense of pride when you learn something new just because you want to for you and for nobody else. Hobbies are truly a form of medicine.

Hobbies To Heal

As you can tell, I’m pretty passionate about hobbies. It’s hard to put into words what finding a hobby in my adult life has done for me. There’s so many tangible and intangible results. And I would love nothing more than to support you and help you find that for yourself!

So starting in January, I’ll be launching a small group coaching program called Hobbies to Heal. We’ll work together with an amazing group of dreamers who are ready to find a hobby that brings them joy, overcome the guilt of taking time for their new hobby, overcoming burnout, building self trust, rebuilding the connection to yourself, and finding that safety within yourself that you’ve been craving. 

If this speaks to you or someone pops into your mind when you read this, then let’s chat and see if this group space is for you! Click this link to schedule a free call where we can dream up something amazing together.

-Sara